On wearing bonnets whilst running through fields of daisies.

My family went to watch my niece do a "back hand spring" in a cheer-leading competition and to an amusement park. They took first place and I for a while forgot about the world crumbling around us and preparing. I was enveloped in family and support. It was refreshing to not feel alone and just know things would be better whatever happened.

The reason I ran afoul was school. I was working and studying to be able to do something I did not love and the sacrifices not worth the gain that could have been realized. This is a major set back socially and financially.

This exposed flaw in my previous logic unraveled my relationship. Now I can see things more objectively.   I am taking stock of the damages and lessons learned.

Introspection is useless without context. I have returned to my context. It is a place where the value of things does not have a dollar sign. This is allowing me to see where my "treasure" is and what is worth protecting. There is a shoulder to lean on and someone who needs my shoulder.

My brother the ever so eloquent wordsmith, told me "You put the pussy on a pedestal." I must agree. I can see that fat, scared kid going to another new school who thought he was so lucky to have a beautiful, smart girlfriend.

It marvels me to think that someone for whom I would have killed or died to protect would so readily dismiss me. For not being supportive enough, wearing stained old jeans, or going to long without a haircut. Lets not forget trying in a not fun enough way to prepare for the future and going on and on about politics. As a friend at work said, "They only hear your snoring when they have fallen out of love". Those things are only excuses to provide a cover their real feelings.

Looking through old pictures and thinking of trips and time together, trying to see just where I changed, when I stopped being supportive or romantic enough. The threads all connect back to when my (our?) primary goal shifted to getting a degree to take a test. This along with the critical mass of friends to provide her full support.