Cleaning out my closet

I am on a break from dating for the next few months.  Most of the women I had been seeing, where well... not my ideal.  There are some that are really trying to improve their lives and making steps in that direction.  I guess I am just tired of dealing with crazy.  Because I realized I was only dating the reflection I was seeing of me.  I was not fully facing what I needed to do to make me whole.

The sad part about me and T was that we could have sat down and had a adult conversation about us growing apart, as opposed to me being distant and having hear the "I want to try to be independent" excuse.  Blame that on my passive aggressiveness.  Things felt like they where coming apart the summer before she made up her mind.  I had resolved to try and get that spark back, but I failed.

I knew I was in trouble when she said "You and he are a lot alike", when she told me about Cowboy.  I agree except he didn't have as much relationship baggage and is tall, dark, and handsome from a "traditional" family.  He is a nice guy and I hope they have a happy and productive life together.  Maybe one day we can all sit down as friends.

Anyway, I follow my ex's blog see what things I need to replace and read her research on different items she is buying.  While, there I see so many things that are a growth out of things we did together.  It makes me smile to see the positive impact our time together has had on our lives.  Thank you for the time and places we went, you helped me see what I want and can have in life.  I do miss the times when you were my best friend.

One of the things that I kept hearing in my head was about prepping.  She basically told me that preparing for life as we know it to end and never come back was depressing.  I should make it fun.  I brought that to my brother and he as usual helped put things in perspective.

I am no longer preparing for TEOTWAWKI.

I am trying to bring back the ways Great Grandma did things, because it saves money and is healthier.  I have tried this approach with different sets of my friends and family and it is easier for them to swallow.  They can have fun getting prepared and remember the laughs and stories while they make use of the things we made together.  It also is a nice intro to talking about reasons to deepen the larder and to invest in commodities that you can keep around the house where inflation will not devalue them.


The bright side is I can forgive myself for wasting my time trying to figure out why things changed and for looking at the world as a place of limited supply and not limitless opportunity.    Everyday I meet wonderful, beautiful people with whom I can share my life and love.  I don't need one to make me complete I need a community of family and friends.  The trouble that is coming will not be sorted out by a handful of people valiantly making a last stand, but by a community of adaptable people working together to make life better.