Put down the ice cream and step away from the computer.

This week I have had several revelations:

I don't mind the idea of having kids, I mind the idea of someone using them as a weapon against me.

I don't have my shit together.

I don't feel as though I should reward myself.  So I don't do things that make me happy, and I don't sacrifices to reach goals, because I don't reward myself for reaching those goals.  The immediate pay off in a bowl of ice cream is a surer thing than letting some lucky girl get a peak at my six pack abs.

The women I have been dating lately are like that bowl of ice cream.  A short term sweet reward that leaves me feeling empty and farther away from my goal.

I need to learn to be better to myself and allow myself to enjoy the fruits of my labor.

When I think of missing her, it is hard to see her face or remember the way she smelt, tasted, or felt.  The feeling of being  free to do as I wished with a willing partner in crime is what I remember.

I, like so many other people, have lost the connection with friends, the immediate feed back up-to-date fueled Facebook world has left me lacking.  Sitting on the front porch with a friend and talking is, well just bliss.

Getting back to basics is really about getting back to yourself. The world is full color, not shades of gray, and certainly not black and white.

Now to find the way to forgive the person in my life who deserves it the most and to get out of his way so he can find his way.  Allowing myself to have what I want because I have earned it is not stupid or greedy it is what makes me a better person.